Kid Cudi is revealing the details of his near-fatal overdose.
In his upcoming memoir, Cudi, described the fateful night when he was alone at his New York apartment in Tribeca, where he indulged in copious amounts of cocaine and that he “cryedg for hours.”
“I was at peace with dying,” Cudi writes, according to GQ, before he collapsed to the floor, almost comatose. “‘You made great music that people loved,’ I thought. ‘But this is the end.’”
He also shared that he was doing cocaine lines as wide as his pinky finger
“I couldn’t make sense of what was plaguing me. It was all happening so fast. The first Man on the Moon had been out for about a year and I was on a rocket ship,” Cudi continued. “Grappling with fame pushed me toward cocaine, which I only ever did alone. I was drawn to it in isolation, and my time by myself was increasing.”
“I was feeling shut-in and I could barely even leave my house. The coke felt like a necessary countermeasure for my celebrity, but it was wreaking havoc on my life, creatively and personally. I had become super volatile emotionally,” he added. “My relationships were in shambles, and I couldn’t get songs out like I wanted. The anger was boiling in me. My rage came from my reality not aligning with my dream.”
“My rage came from my reality not aligning with my dream,” he confessed. “I thought being set financially was going to save me and make everything all right. I thought being Kid Cudi would transform my life in all the best ways. It didn’t.”
Cudi also acknowledged that his suicidal ideation returned during recording sessions for Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven.
“After we’d finished a session, I’d be alone Googling exit bags,” he wrote. “I was thinking about a way I could actually do it. I was plotting it. There’s a song at the end of Speedin’ Bullet where I say good-bye, and that was meant to be my final album. I was going to kill myself at the end of that album, or before it came out, or during that cycle. I was not planning to live that year. Not many people around me expected me to either.”
Cudi: The Memoir hits stores on Aug. 12.